Love IN a Battlefield – Stay on point

We all disagree.  Find a relationship where people never disagree and you’ll find either a relationship where one person dominates the other or two people who never interact.  It is the nature of being human that we have wants and needs.  Sometimes those desires conflict with our loved one and we argue, we fight.

However, it is all too common that we do not discuss (probably realistic to say argue!) about the issue at hand.  We reach back and pull out the stops.  It’s not about being rude to her friend or her forgetting to pick him up; it becomes about how she forgot to get the mail last week, how his brother has always been rude since they’ve met, how she never gets along with her friends and how he has never supported her job.  We start a disagreement and we bring up firestorm.  It is not fair, it is not healthy and it is not using your innerspouse.

Put yourself in their shoes – you don’t like it when an argument turns into every mistake you’ve ever made so why expect your partner to enjoy it?  It is too easy to fall back to old ways and digging up dirt and pain just because ultimately we are feeling pained by the disagreement.  But remember, this is not an enemy – it is the person you love.  By staying on the reason for the argument, you can quicker solve the issue, compromise and grow.  Stay on point and stay together.

Good life, good love,

 

CH & the IW

INvocation – Have some faith

Eloquently defined in Hebrews 11:1, faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Faith is important in any belief system and equally necessary in relationships.

Faith is trusting without completely knowing.  It is hoping when all else says otherwise.  Now in relation to God, faith is never disappointed.  In relation to mankind and your relationship, people can let you down.  But it is that belief that puts you on your knees in prayer that keeps you positive about tomorrow.  It is that belief, that hope, that faith that bridges you to grace – love undeserved.  When you connect to something so much larger than yourself, the positivity and the calm you find resonates in your life and your love life.

So have some faith.  If such belief can be as small as a mustard seed and still move mountains, imagine what it can do for your relationship?

 

Good life ,good love,

CH & the IW

INsights – STOP Resolutions, Just Change

It’s 2012 and everyone has words of hope, opportunity and possibility.  These elements are greatly expressed in the form of resolutions – promises to do better and be more, promises to lose weight and to love better.  But there is one other thing people have in common besides making resolutions – breaking them.   We give up on our weight loss routines.  We stop going to the gym.  We let our saving attempts go and we stop trying to be better in love. 

Maybe it was listening to our partners.  Maybe it was asking out that coffee house girl.  Whatever the resolution was, we have let it go.  So that is why we say STOP.  STOP the resolutions.  STOP the empty promises.  Just change instead.  Need to get healthier?  Just change.  Need to get a better job?  Just change.  Need to love better?  Get an Innerwife or Innerhusband…and then just change.  Rather than talking a big game, play it.  Do it.  The time for words is over.  The time for action is here.  There is no action in resolutions.  So just change instead.

Good life, good love,

CH & the IW

INsights – Too Nice? Time to be BAD

“But he’s just too nice!” How many of you have had the previous sentence tied to your name. The nice guy. “He’s like a brother.” The nice girl. “She’s more like a sister.” Those who have lived their lives being nice have often found their love lives far from satisfactory. They have often lived love-lives through the adventures of others. Why? Because they have been too nice. Time to be BAD.

Too nice can carry negative aspects such as indecision because you’re worried about others’ opinion. You can be too soft spoken and unheard because you’re concerned about speaking your mind. You can also be forgotten because you never say what you want, what you don’t want and also how you feel (e.g. “But I always wanted to ask him/her out.”)

So, be BAD. Not a jerk or a skank or a bully. But Bold, Assertive and Direct. There is nothing wrong with speaking your mind (which can be done tactfully). There is nothing wrong with refusing to be stepped over and there is nothing more attractive than confidence. Be Bold and take risks – grow outside your comfort zone. Be Assertive – tell people your opinion when your asked and when it affects you. Finally, be Direct, many people will take your hemming and hawing and beating around the bush for lack of interest. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Stop being nice. Start being BAD.

Good life, good love,

CH & the IW

IN the Kitchen – Switch positions

In most relationships, one of you is probably a master chef.  The other is most likely a serial killer who tries with good intentions but poisons with bad food!  While these roles may be perfectly suited, they may not be perfectly balanced.  The cook may feel that they must always labor in the kitchen while the culinary-challenged may feel the laughing stock of the cupboard and pantry.  Balance things out, shift positions and switch positions.  Let the bad cook take a swing at cooking but with the master chef’s help and guidance.  Let the great cook sit back and reap the benefits of not cooking.  Make sure that there is a support style also – if you don’t cook, clean!

Good life, good love,

CH & the IW

 

 

INspirations – “Love is like luck…”

“Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it.”

- Robert Mitchum

INspirations – “Wildest spirit tame…”

“Love makes the wildest spirit tame, and the tamest spirit wild….”

- Alexis Delp.

IN the News – Married people need to fight fair

http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/sports/InsidePage.php?id=2000042050&cid=619

The only wreck to be in – the Relationship Emergency Kit (REK)

We pronounce it “wreck” but it’s the REK – Relationship Emergency Kit.  We pronounce it, we endorse it and we ALL need it from time to time.

What is a Relationship Emergency Kit?  It’s a collection of skills, talents, ideas and materials used to save your relationship.  It is a collection of physical items and acts, emotional moods and moments and mental thoughts and awareness.  A REK is used when it’s almost too late, when the emergency is upon you!  Just like in real life disasters, this emergency kit is used when the problems is here.  REKs are also used when you see an emergency coming!

The types of emergencies that relationships face include Communication emergencies, Intimacy emergencies, Financial emergencies and The Cleaner.  We use REKs because we want to save our relationships!  Relationship Emergency Kits should have an Innerspouse, momentos (e.g. CDs, love notes, G.R.A.T.E.s, photographs) and additional items that tie you and your other half together through the good and the bad.  REKs can stop Relationship Decay, reverse damage and heighten your relationship’s current status.

So, is your Emergency Kit ready?

Good life, good love,

CH & the IW

 

INvocation – Without action

Going to church can be an amazing bonding experience for a couple.  In service, we can learn important lessons about faith, hope and love.  We can learn about our lives with God, our prayers to Christ and we can learn about patience and forgiveness.  But like any activity, if there is too much time spent learning and there is no time spent acting, then our relationship both romantic and spiritual can wither.

Faith without action is dead faith.  Do not allow yourself to spend so much time learning that you never get out of the classroom to apply what you’ve learned.  While being in church, being on committees and attending bible classes all have great impacts, get out and do what you’re taught.  Do your faith, apply your lessons on love and practice patience.  Do them, apply them and practice them together and, most importantly, to one another.

 

Good life, good love,

CH & the IW